5 Beautiful answers about socializing on quora

 

How to socialize with people?

Socializing is a very complicated topic, but there are some quick steps that you can implement to start seeing results.

Ultimately, it all comes down to practice. Imagine social skills like playing an instrument. You can learn all the theory in the world, but unless you practice, you will never get anywhere with it, or see results.

Anyway, apart from that, I’ll list a few tips that helped me become a much better people person.

1. Be genuine with people. It’s refreshing in this day and age to meet people who allow themselves to be transparent and vulnerable. In the end, people can’t connect with you if you’re hiding behind a mask, as there is no human connection. Being genuine and authentic to who you are humanizes you, and people will recognize this.
2. Don’t seek validation from people. Be integral to yourself and don’t let other people use you as a stepping stone. People lose respect for people who can’t assert themselves. If you become a pushover, people will take advantage of this behavior. Don’t be stubborn or ignorant, but have a backbone. Show others that you can stand up for yourself and that you aren’t dependent on them.
3. Remove social filters. We usually have walls up that prevent us from getting to know people. These walls come in the form of safety and precaution, not wanting to embarrass yourself, not talking to people because they might not speak your language etc. Open your walls and see everyone as a potential friendship opportunity.
4. Aim to learn from everyone. An important mentality to have when building your social skills is to always intend to learn as much as you can from people. People are gateways to experiences, information, knowledge, and wisdom. It’s important to keep an open mind and absorb knowledge like a sponge from everyone you interact with, passively and actively.
5. Offer value in some form. People want to be around other people because they offer value to the relationships. This value can be in the form of anything positive that you provide, that makes the other person feel good. If you are funny, this is value. If you are relaxed and easy going, this is adding value. If you are interesting and people can learn a lot from you, this is also value. So be a valuable person by thinking about what other people can get out of the interaction. Otherwise, why would they want to hang around you if you offer nothing of value to the interaction?
6. Be an active listener. Give people the conversational spotlight and let them talk about themselves. Everyone wants to talk about themselves, but so few people listen. Usually, it’s a competition. Stand above the herd by being someone that other people can talk to, express themselves around, and really be heard.

Original answered on Quora by: Daniel Hannah

What makes a person boring?

I have a friend who is very boring. He is a very nice guy who by the way has won the genetics lottery. He is athletic and handsome. But women keep leaving him.

For a long while I did not understand why.

Then one day we organized a night out with my friends, 5 of us together. Only he and I showed up because others had to cancel the program at the last minute.

So I suggested to my friend let’s go and have a beer together.

We sat down in a pub and started chatting.

He, by the way, ordered the same whatever I ordered; he said he was gonna be fine with my choice.

More precisely, I started chatting and he just listened. I tried to involve him in the conversation, but other than smiling or saying a few words here and there, he did not say much.

It was painful. I ran out of topics. I am a very talkative person but conversation is a two way channel and you need at least two involved parties.

Before this, I never knew he was a boring person because we never really hang out together only the two of us. It was always us and other friends as well.

After this very “long” evening, I left with the conclusion that a boring person might be a not so easy person to live with.

It is as if you live in a climate in where the temperature is always around 75F, it never rains, never snows, never too sunny, never too cloudy, never a rainbow and never a storm. It might be good for a while but I think in life we want some changes, some sparks, some energy.

This guy is still my friend; I just try to avoid outings only with him.

Thanks for reading.

There are some people who suggested that maybe I was trying to talk about topics only I was interested in and not him or that I just kept talking about myself and I never listened.

Well, it could not be further from the truth. I tried to talk about several topics starting from his own life and days, what he does and what he likes to do. I tried to talk about politics, sports, cultures, art, life on other planets, religion, and so on.

Other than some short answers, mostly in the form of yes and nos, and some smiles not much happened on his side.

I did try hard. I was nice and welcoming. I did not talk about myself at all, in fact I don’t like to talk about myself. I am not narcissistic and can’t stand such people.

Originally answered on Quora by: Peter Tamas

How to end loneliness?

Nearly two years ago, I lost my father to suicide. Suicide cases are never easy to accept and society makes it even worst. The initial days were hard for all of us. Our home was surrounded by a lot of people. Everyday we used to have a tons of visitors but slowly everything came to an end.

People started to come less often. My brother who was home for the funeral went back. Me and my mother were left. We didn’t use to talk. My mother was in deep shock. All she could do was stare walls for hours or cry. I couldn’t share my feelings with her. She used to sit in her room the whole day. Our home was filled with silence and loneliness.

Every time when I used to walk on the road people used to stare and talk about my family. Walking on the road was difficult. Everyone talked about the suicide of my father and made their own assumption about the case. Slowly, with the fear of society and their talking habits I stopped going out the house.

My mother rarely stepped out of her room. All we talked was during meals. We used to sit quiet. The silence was more hard for me. I couldn’t share the things with anyone in the fear of being judged. So the loneliness was killing me from inside.

But slowly I started becoming strong as the situation started becoming less hard. Society slowly forgot our issue as they got other things to talk about.

I started sharing my things with my friends. I started going out of the house more often and I tried keeping myself busy. I also started working as the translator for US based journalist.

My mother started taking things light and started to talk. We used to talk and laugh on small things. We used to remember the past memories and cry sometimes.

Every night she would share her day events with me and I shared my work experience with her. We started sharing laughter slowly and loneliness vanished from our life soon. We became each other’s way of breaking silence and helping each other raise back again.

“Sharing can decrease loneliness by 50% . Sharing is hard. Explaining your feeling with other is difficult but try it. That’s the best remedy. Try focusing on other things. Empty mind will make you remember you are alone and you will be depressed. Try making your mind busy.”

“There is no magic ways of getting out of our problems and no one will help us except we. We are the one to help us. Loneliness is the state of mind and we can control the things slowly. Good things takes time but they will come surely.”

Original answered on Quora by: Barsha Sedhain 

How to relieve stress?

Everyone gets overwhelmed and stressed out at times. Stress is beneficial when it gives us the boost we need to get through situations like work deadlines or exams. However, extreme stress has adverse health consequences that affect many of the bodily systems. Unless you learn how to manage your stress, you will suffer mentally, emotionally, and physically. Managing your stress can take some practice, but it is possible.

Here are 10 helpful tips to help you remain calm and relaxed:

1. Get regular physical exercise

The ancient “fight or flight” response is still activated when we feel stressed. More adrenaline and cortisol is generated to prepare us for action. Physical exercise metabolizes these excess stress hormones and restores the body to a calm, relaxed state. Any exercise is better than none at all. At the very least, try to exercise for three to five times a week for half an hour. Try to include some vigorous exercise like swimming or jogging to get your heart rate up and running. When you feel particularly stressed, go for a quick walk.

2. Get twisted. Although yoga has been around for thousands of years, many people assume the benefits are only attainable if you twist your body into a pretzel. That is simply not the case. Many yoga moves (“asanas”) are easily accessible for all body types and abilities. Yoga moves such “child’s pose” (Balasana) can reduce anxiety and stress as well as calm the nervous system. Some poses such as “standing forward bend” (Uttanasana) are thought to relieve fatigue, stress and even mild depression.

3. Get connected. Take time out to connect with friends and not just through social media. Connecting face-to-face with others can provide connection, a sense of belonging and the shared laughter will lower cortisol, the body’s stress hormone.

4. Get creative! Embracing your creative side and exploring artistic interests can be heart-healthy and also are a good way to combat stress and anxiety. Adult coloring books are all the rage because they “force” you to slow down, get creative with color, and the mere act of coloring in the lines brings one to a meditative state quite naturally. It’s a win-win for your heart and as stress relief. Try something new on the creative side and see where it leads.

Originally answered on Quora by : Peter Gilligan

How do you solve a generation gap?

I’m not sure what you mean by “solve the gap” as it will always be present with each generation but I’ll give it my best shot.

One thing I’ve learned is that no matter what, every generation believes the generation following them is inferior as they have not experienced the hardships of their parents. I see this as ironic being that most parents strive to make sure their children have the opportunities not available to themselves nor do they want the same hardships for their kids.

During the Great Depression this made sense (at least in the U.S.) as many people did not have enough to eat nor were they able to keep a roof over their heads. After winning a clear cut good vs. evil war the Greatest Generation came back with the spirit of optimism after feeling they had saved the world from the armies of darkness. Many of them were able to provide their kids three square meals a day, an affordable college education and not to mention a post war-time economy that had little to no competition as all the industrialized nations were cleaning up the rubble. The Baby Boomers enjoyed a standard of living the world had never seen. Their needs were met and many of their wants were easily within reach.

How can the Baby Boomers really top this? Many parents still say “I don’t want my children to face the hardships I did”. I’m certain there were hardships that needed to be overcome (ie. bigotry, equal rights, cleaning the environment) but many hardships we have found to be essential to growing up.

How will a child learn the reality of our dog-eat-dog world if their parents act like “lawnmower parents” - riding a metaphorical lawnmower in front of their kids hence cutting down any sort of adversity their children could potentially have to overcome. We’ve all heard the stories of participation trophies, elimination of valedictorians, safe spaces - the list could go on and on. I view this as more of a hindrance to success than a pathway to a happy productive life.

I’m not sure there is a clear answer to this as everyone has their own opinion on raising children. First and foremost love your children however they need to be shown many times in a blunt manner, that their are winners and losers in life. Show them the excitement of competition as everyone knows it feels great to win but should let a losing experience guide them to self improvement. Let them learn from their own mistakes.

Self esteem is not something that can be handed to someone. Confidence comes from succeeding in an adverse environment. We should never strive to fill our child’s wants however never demean or degrade them for their shortcomings. Not all of us are superstars at everything in life, it’s ok to not make a sports team even though it makes someone feel defeated. There are several paths to success derived from activities that may or may not be athletic. We even have video game competitions - I’m not saying am a huge fan of that however that’s just me. There are probably professional gamers who are extremely successful, who am I to tell them they don’t measure up?

Most importantly do not confuse abundant material possessions with happiness and success. Make sure your children have self worth and fulfillment regardless of their income or social status. There is absolutely nothing worse than working a high paying job that is nothing short of miserable, I’ve been there.

Just my thoughts, I would love to hear what others had to say.

Originally answered on Quora by:  Ryan Nugent